a game changer.

Four days ago I had the privilege to stand side by side with women who had all been through the painful loss of a pregnancy. We each had our story to share — none of them making the other “better or worse”, but each of us making the others feel less alone. It was an evening that I will always hold close to my heart and one that was more healing than I could have ever imagined. When I got home, I journaled and while most of it was messy through ugly tears, a letter of sorts was born from it.

So in honor of National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day, I’m going to share it here.

my messy letter.

To the mother of an angel baby,

My heart breaks with you and for you. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When your heart is breaking in a thousand pieces and all you can do is cry, let the tears fall. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you can’t fake a smile anymore, don’t — and know that it is okay. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you need retail therapy but can’t leave the house, I’ll send you the links you need. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you can’t take hearing one more pregnancy announcement without screaming, we’ll scream out loud. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you can’t bear to make yourself leave the house, I’ll come to you. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you can’t bear to hear “you’ll have another baby” one more time, I promise to never say those words. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you need a new takeout recommendation because you’ve exhausted all your go-tos, I’ll give you my list. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you want to remember your baby gone too soon even after you “should have moved on”, I will remember. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you need an afternoon walk in the park for fresh air, I’ll lace up my shoes. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you need time to grieve, I’ll tell people you need space. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When you can’t find the words to pray, I will get on my knees and talk to God for you. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
When it feels like you can’t possibly go on, please remember that we will survive; the hurt will lessen; our angels are held closely by God who loved our babies first. Remember this especially when I’m not strong enough to remind you. Because I am with you. Because I am you.
It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to be angry and sad and hurt. It’s okay to grieve. It’s not easy, but it is OKAY. Just remember you are brave. You are strong. You are loved. And most importantly, you are not aloneBecause I am with you. Because I am you.

 

women supporting women.

There is nothing I have experienced as painful as a miscarriage. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s something I will ever be fully healed from, but one thing that has made it easier is the support of other women. Talking about and grieving not just the loss of my child, but the loss of others’ children has been incredibly healing, even if it is incredibly painful.

So while I do not profess to know all about the muddy waters that are pregnancy loss, there is one thing I know for sure — women supporting women can never be wrong.

NEVER MISS

A THING

 

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